Hot enough for you?
It’s official… Mother Nature is really pissed. Winter in New England this year was looooong. Extra long. Long as in went all the way through May. I didn’t even have a chance to admire my tulips and lilacs this year because I was huddled inside, bundled up in layers and wool socks trying to keep from freezing. It was the coldest May on record in these pahts; I knew that when it was 44-degrees (or as we say it, fawty-fowah) on May 22nd and I wore my winter hat when I took the dog out. Winter finally relaxed its icy hold around June 1st. But Mother N. wasn’t through with us—the temperature promptly skyrocketed to 90 and it’s been holding there ever since. And just for kicks, she threw in the Triple-H recipe—hazy, hot, and humid.
That’s real bad weather for writing. I’m distracted by the heat, logy and groggy, merely pecking at the keys today, but at least I’ve got an explanation for such crazy weather. Forget Global Warming, forget gaseous emissions or any of that other science mumbo-jumbo you’ve heard, I know the truth: Mother Nature is going through menopause.
Well, why not? She’s been around a long time; it seems only natural that aging might affect her mood and ultimately lead to precipitation. In fact, every stage of her life has affected the weather we’ve had to suffer through. An overachiever in her formative years, she quickly learned how to count the months and divide them into seasons. In her teen years she suffered from severe PMS (planetary menstrual syndrome), what with all the volcanic eruptions and stormy Mondays. Then the mommy-track years with sunny days and pretty damn awful days (also known as the Dark Ages). So, now she’s matured and she’s at another turning point, probably the biggest in her life. Menopause; which means hot flashes, dramatic swings from hot-to-cold and back again, weepy days, and sudden surges of temper. That explains all the hurricanes, tornadoes, and earthquakes we’ve been having lately.
And what about her senior years? Will she mellow and give us balmy, Florida-in-February weather or become a cranky old biddy? Guess we'll have to weather the storm—anyone hitting 10-billion has earned the right to be as cranky as they want to be!
Oh, wait, I see a thunderstorm is predicted for this evening (Mother just clearing her throat for attention), so maybe a break in the heat—and I’ll be able to write after all.
Janet - No power in the 'verse (except one mean Mother) can stop me!
That’s real bad weather for writing. I’m distracted by the heat, logy and groggy, merely pecking at the keys today, but at least I’ve got an explanation for such crazy weather. Forget Global Warming, forget gaseous emissions or any of that other science mumbo-jumbo you’ve heard, I know the truth: Mother Nature is going through menopause.
Well, why not? She’s been around a long time; it seems only natural that aging might affect her mood and ultimately lead to precipitation. In fact, every stage of her life has affected the weather we’ve had to suffer through. An overachiever in her formative years, she quickly learned how to count the months and divide them into seasons. In her teen years she suffered from severe PMS (planetary menstrual syndrome), what with all the volcanic eruptions and stormy Mondays. Then the mommy-track years with sunny days and pretty damn awful days (also known as the Dark Ages). So, now she’s matured and she’s at another turning point, probably the biggest in her life. Menopause; which means hot flashes, dramatic swings from hot-to-cold and back again, weepy days, and sudden surges of temper. That explains all the hurricanes, tornadoes, and earthquakes we’ve been having lately.
And what about her senior years? Will she mellow and give us balmy, Florida-in-February weather or become a cranky old biddy? Guess we'll have to weather the storm—anyone hitting 10-billion has earned the right to be as cranky as they want to be!
Oh, wait, I see a thunderstorm is predicted for this evening (Mother just clearing her throat for attention), so maybe a break in the heat—and I’ll be able to write after all.
Janet - No power in the 'verse (except one mean Mother) can stop me!
posted by Janet at 3:12 PM
0 Comments:
Post a Comment
<< Home